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this is the last time i will have anything to do with live journal. if i knew how to dlete my account, i would. it just seems to bare hurt, so no more...
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I've started to write some new poetry. its just a rough draft though. its not quite at the standard of where my writing use to be but here it is anyways:
All I had
Is all I want
All I am
Is what he is
love is pain
he is love
all he is
is all I need
all he is
is all that matters
for he is love
and love is pain
its sort of short, but its a work in progress. i just thought it might be nice to get back into writing. i decided i need the practice, or well, a little birdie told me i have talent and shouldnt waste it.how's it hangin':  gloomy the voices in my head today are...: Ace of Base- all that she wants |
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i have officially declared myself as lonely. i met someone really great, but i dont know what to do. i'm still not over jeff and i dont know if i ever will. but this new guy is really sweet and he really likes me. i just dont know what to do. i'm so fucking emo when it comes to dating right now. i'd rather just have something casual, u know, nothing serious, nothing exclusive. i just want to check out my options. i'm really waiting for a certain point to pass before i can really decide if i want to be with anyone else right now. besides, i promised myself i'd take more time than just a month and a half to heal from my broken heart. its just that, when ever i talk to this new guy everything seems so much better. i get that feeling of butterflies that i havent felt in a long time. its not what it seems, i really love jeff with all my heart, but when we were together it kinda felt like an old married couple. we always did the same thing. sometimes i think that its not jeff that i'm in love with, its the idea of jeff. jeff symbolized comfort and stability, two things i've never had in my life. he means the world to me and i will always love him. especially since i know he'll always be there for me no matter what. i can call him with any question and hes happy to answer it for me. i'm just soo scared of life with out him. it just doesnt feel.... i dont know, right i guess. but brent has so many sweet things to say and i've NEVER talked to anyone as much as i talk to him. i've slept on it and i've asked others for advise, but i still have no idea what i want out of life right now. i just wish there was a simple solution to all of it.how's it hangin':  confused the voices in my head today are...: hello lonely- theory of a deadman |
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Oct. 12th, 2005 @ 07:42 pm
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i randomly realize that i havent updated in awhile. then i seem crazy cause my entries have big chunks of time out of them. life has been pretty good lately. i had an escort for homecoming, but then he randomly desided that he didnt want to go anymore. so i'm having ashley find someone to go with me. i'll probably just go alone though. its really depessing. i wish i didnt mind going alone. but then i'm also being difficult because i want a guy to go with, but its not a date. i just want an escort. i cant have any dates right now or for a very long time. i'm just not ready to date yet. i dont know if i will date at all this school year. i just want to stew in my relationship faliure. it still hurts to talk to him, but i do it anyway because it seems to make him happy. i just really wish i could see him. all talking to him does is make my heart flutter at the sound of his voice. but i'd die if i never heard his wonderful voice ever again. i miss him so much. i cant help but think about him all the time because everything i have in my house seems to remind me of him.
certain friends of mine have been in relationships that lasted twice as long as ours. how is it that they can move on so quickley. when they're together they say they're in love, but the next thing you know, they're broken up and seeing other ppl and saying that they love their new partners. i just dont get it. how can anyone move on so quickly if they really loved someone? but then again, its just high school and who are we to judge what real love is. although, when i talk to my mom, she tells me that she thinks i'm probably one of the only teenages that she thinks really know what it means to be in love. and if shes right, and what i feel for him is true love, i hate love. all it makes me do is cry and miss him every second of every day. why do i have to be mature? why cant i just be like every other person my age who says that they're in love but really only just like the person with because its the best they could do and they just want to make the other person happy. why am i making plans to go see him? why am i soo fucking eager to be near him? i know what going to happen if i go down there. i'll have to see him with other girls and the reality of that just breaks my heart to even think about. if i had to actually see it then it would truely be real and he never really cared about me that way and all i did was waste my time. all i can do is sit and be alone and cry myself to sleep at night because all i can do is picture him with someone else when he used to be mine.how's it hangin':  Emo the voices in my head today are...: Cake |
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Jeff left for school today. All I want to do is cry, but I can't seem to bring myself to. I guess I've cried to much lately. He means so much to me. I can't believe I won't be seeing him every day. It just doesn't feel right. I can't wait to get a chance to go down and see him. I feel so broken and empty without him. I love him so much it hurts. After 5 months I can't just let go. He's become part of me and it breakes my poor heart to not be with him. Jeff, Baby, I love you and am always thinking of you.
♥Always,
Bridgethow's it hangin': depressed the voices in my head today are...: Bryan Adams - Everything I do (I do it for you) |
| » exausted!!! |
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my sister moved out so i'm rearranging my bedroom. its good so far but i'm so tired i have to take a break. i'm killing my back. i moved everything myself. theres a lot of really really heavy stuff in that room. but when its done and i have everything in there, it will be really easy to have ppl stay the night. i have my bed and i'm getting a queen size futon/couch from jeff. and i still have OoOdles of extra space for stuff. its really nice. i'll have room to exercise again.
so yesterday i went to the verge showdown and toast machine made a special guest appearence. and all the competeing bands were pretty awesome. it was really great. except for the part where brandon lost his phone. after the concert jeff and i went back to his house and chilled out for a while. that night we went to see Romeo and Juliet. it was a really great day. it made me so happy to spend the whole day with him since hes leaving friday for school. i wish it wasnt so soon.
Sep. 11th, 2005 @ 05:40 pm
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| » quizzy wizzy |
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1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.
( my answers )
Sep. 8th, 2005 @ 07:14 pm
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| » I am officially obsessed. |
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PHANTOM'S VOICE
Insolent boy!
This slave
of fashion
basking in your
glory!
Ignorant fool!
This brave
young suitor,
sharing in my
triumph!
CHRISTINE (spell-bound)
Angel! I hear you!
Speak -
I listen . . .
stay by my side,
guide me!
Angel, my soul was weak -
forgive me . . .
enter at last,
Master!
PHANTOM'S VOICE
Flattering child,
you shall know me,
see why in shadow
I hide!
Look at your face
in the mirror -
I am there
inside!
(The figure of the PHANTOM becomes discernible
behind the mirror)
CHRISTINE (ecstatic)
Angel of Music!
Guide and guardian!
Grant to me your
glory!
Angel of Music!
Hide no longer!
Come to me, strange
angel...
PHANTOM"S VOICE
I am your Angel ...
Come to me: Angel of Music ...
(CHRISTINE walks towards the glowing,
shimmering glass. Meanwhile, RAOUL has
returned. He hears the voices and is puzzled. He
tries the door It is locked)
RAOUL
Whose is that voice . . .?
Who is that in there . . .?
(Inside the room the mirror opens. Behind it, in
an inferno of white light, stands the PHANTOM.
He reaches forward and takes CHRISTINE firmly,
but not fiercely, by the wrist. His touch is cold,
and CHRISTINE gasps)
PHANTOM
I am your Angel of Music . . .
Come to me: Angel of Music . . .
(CHRISTINE disappears through the mirror,
which closes behind her The door of the dressing
room suddenly unlocks and swings open, and
RAOUL enters to find the room empty)
RAOUL
Christine! Angel
PS: Kris, i think i caught ur cold!! damn you!!
Aug. 24th, 2005 @ 10:47 am
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| » Since no1 else said nething.... |
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saturday night was so fucking awesome!!!! Rocky Horror made me sooooo happy!!! i but you'll never guess what the best part was..... when i tripped over a chain!!!! its really sad that i didnt see it, but it didnt hurt too bad, my legs are just really bruised. and it hurts when my cat walks on them.
newayz.... ya, it was soo fucking awesome!!! the hot gay guy hitting on me made me feel good about myself. even if the hot fishnet guy made me feel stupid. we need to go back ASAP!!!!! i want to have more fun!!!
jeff is out of town till thurs. but i'm leaving thurs. so it make me sad. i miss him already cause i know i wont get to talk to him at all.
Aug. 16th, 2005 @ 12:54 am
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| » bored |
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139 out of 208.... mom used to work for a video store and does again. i watch tooo many movies.
COPY and REPOST !
1. (X)Napoleon Dynamite
2. (X)Saw
3. ( )White Noise
4. (x)White Oleander
5. (X)Anger Management
6. (X)50 First Dates
7. ( )Jason X
8. (X)Scream
9. (X)Scream 2
10.(X)Scream 3
11.(X)Scary Movie
12.(X)Scary Movie 2
13.(X)Scary Movie 3
14.(X)American Pie
15.(x)American Pie 2
16.(x)American Wedding
17.(x)Harry Potter
18.(x)Harry Potter 2
19.(x)Harry Potter 3
20.( )Resident Evil I
21.( )Resident Evil 2
22.(X)The Wedding Singer
23.(x)Little Black Book
24.(X)The Village
25.( )Donnie Darko
26.(x)Lilo & Stitch
27.(x)Finding Nemo
28.( )Finding Neverland
29.(x)13 Ghosts
30.(X)Signs
31.(x)The Grinch
32.(X)Texas Chainsaw Massacre (remake)
33.(X)White Chicks
34.(X)Butterfly Effect
35.(X)Thirteen going on 30
36.( )I, Robot
37.(X)Dodge ball
38.( )Universal Soldier
39.( )A Series Of Unfortunate Events
40.( )Along Came A Spider
41.( )Deep impact
42.(x)KingPin
43.(x)Never Been Kissed
44.(x)Meet The Parents
45.(X)Meet The Fockers
46.(x)Eight Crazy Nights
47.( )A Cinderella Story
48.(X)The Terminal
49.(x)The Lizzie McGuire Movie
50.(X)Passport to Paris
51.(X)Dumb & Dumber
52.( )Dumb & Dumberer
53.(X)Final Destination
54.(X)Final Destination 2
55.(X)Halloween
56.(X)The Ring
57.( )The Ring 2
58.(X)Harold & Kumar
59.(X)Practical Magic
60.(x)Chicago
61.( )Ghost Ship
62.( )From Hell
63.(x)Hellboy
64.(X)Secret Window
65.(x)I Am Sam
66.(X)The Whole Nine Yards
67.( )The Whole Ten Yards
68.(x)The Day After Tomorrow
69.(X)Child's Play
70.(x)Bride of Chucky
71.(X)Ten Things I Hate About You
72.(X)Just Married
73.( )Gothika
74.(x)A Nightmare on Elm Street
75.( ) Sixteen Candles
76.( )Bad Boys
77.( )Bad Boys 2
78.(x)Joy Ride
79.(X)Seven (SE7EN)
80.(x)Oceans Eleven
81.( )Oceans Twelve
82.( )Identity
83.( )Lone Star
84.(X)Bedazzled
85.( )Predator I
86.( )Predator II
87.(x)Alien vs. Predator
88.( )Cujo
89.(X)Independence Day
90.(X)Darkness Falls
91.( )Christine
92.(x)ET
93.(x)Children of the corn
94.(x)My boss' daughter
95.(X)Maid in Manhattan
96.( )Frailty
97.( )Best bet
98.(x)How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
99.(X)She's All That
100 ( )Calendar Girls
101 (x)Sideways
102 (x)Mars Attacks
103 ( )Event Horizon
104 (x)Ever after
105 (X)Forrest Gump
106 ( )Big Trouble in Little China
107 (X)X-men1
108 (X)X-men2
109 ( )Jeepers Creepers
110 ( )Jeepers Creepers 2
111 (x)Catch Me If You Can
112 (X)The Others
113 (x)Freaky Friday
114 (x)Reign of Fire
115 (X)Cruel Intentions
116 ( )PI
117 (X)Swimfan
118 (X)Miracle
119 (X)Old School
120 (X)Ray
121 (x)The Notebook
122 ( )K-Pax
123.(x)Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
124.(X)Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
125.(X)Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
126.(x)A Walk to Remember
127.( )Boogeyman
128.( )Hitch
129.(X)Super troopers
130.(x)South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut
131.(x)the Fifth Element
132.(x)Star wars episode I
133.(X)Star wars episode II
134.(x)Star wars episode IV
135.(x)Star wars episode V
136.(x)Star wars episode VI
137.( )Starwars Ep. VII Revenge of the Sith
138.( )Swimming with Sharks
139.( )Trainspotting
140.(x)People under the stairs
141.( )Blue Velvet
142.(x)Sound of music
143.(x)Parent Trap
144.( )The Burbs
145.( )SLC Punk
146.(X)Meet Joe Black
147.(x)Wild girls
148.( )A Clockwork Orange
149.( )The Order
150.(X)Spiderman
151.(X)Spiderman 2
152.(X)Amelie
153.(x)Mean Girls
154.(x)Shrek
155.(X)Shrek 2
156.(x)The Incredibles
157.( )Collateral
158.(X)the Fast & The Furious
159.( )2 Fast 2 Furious
160.( )Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow
161.( )Closer
162.(x)The Sixth Sense
163.(X)Artificial Intelligence (AI)
164.(x)Love, Actually
165.( )Shutter
166.(x)Ella Enchanted
167.(x)Princess diaries 1
168.(X) Princess diaries 2
169.(x)Constantine
170.( )Million Dollar Baby
171.( )Life of David Gale
172.( )25th hour
173.(X)Vanilla Sky
174.( )Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind
175.( )Boogie Nights
176.(x)Braveheart
177.( )The Anarchist Cook Book
178.( )My House In Umbria
179.(X)Double Jeopardy
180.(x)Monsters, Inc
181.(x)Moulin Rouge
183.(x)Pirates of the Carribbean
184.( )The Lords of Dogtown
185.( )The Grudge
186.(x)The Parent Trap *with Lindsey Lohan
187.( )Hide and Seek
188.( )Are we there yet?
189.( )Coach Carter
199.( )Grind
200.( )The Perfect Score
201.(X)The New guy
202.(X) Remember the Titans
203.( ) requiem for a dream
204.(x) dazed and confused
205.( ) spun
206.(X) the girl next door
207.( ) i heart huckabees
208.(X) along came polly
Aug. 16th, 2005 @ 12:40 am
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